hi. or should i say bye?

this letter, this goodbye is long overdue. i’m sorry that this took so long to write. i know that i have been pretty damn annoying over the past couple months since camp. i know i was just a summer fling. i know that i am not the girl of your dreams, the person you want to cuddle in the night, the one to hold in the cold as snow falls, the one who lives in wisconsin. i know i am not there. i know. 

but i was the person who layed with you for hours, laughing at memes and videos and stupid shit. i was the one who waited in lines at hershey park, asking you 243 questions on random things to get to know you more. i was the one who supported you when you said dodgy things, the one who saved your ass from getting kicked out of camp. i gave you my everything, the “once in a lifetime”. i was sixteen. you were seventeen about to turn eighteen. you changed my small, boring life into something new. thank u. 

if you had never spoken to me again after camp, it would’ve hurt less than this. i hate our conversation. me sending half of my face with a weather sticker, you sending back something about league or gains or snow. i miss you everyday. but i have no idea if you miss me too. i want to read little signals, like you complimenting my dress or remembering my best friends name but those are small. everything is small. i miss you. 

but i can’t keep this up. you live 11,000 miles away, and i am not pretty enough or funny enough or anything enough for you to be invested in me. and i understand that. but i still miss you! NO. stop. stop. stop. 

so this is a goodbye, but not a final one. come to vail, colorado this year. i’ve been there the past nine years, and it is my favorite place on earth. i hope to see you there. but i am not going to stress about how, why, when, who and let everything fall into place. if i don’t see you, okay. if i do, okay. i am strong. 

this is a goodbye to me stressing about something so far away. i am strong, i miss you, anything is possible. goodbye, william. 

anna (from the heart)